I’m done. I’ve decided. I can’t live like this forever.
The past years I’ve lost track of who I am. I’ve forgotten what I wanted to do with my life.
I’ve become lazy. I’ve stopped driving myself. I gave myself excuses. Blaming others. Blaming events, blaming life. And no, it doesnt make me feel better.
I’ve lost people. Lost friends who I thought I could rely on. Burned bridges. Missed opportunities to develop myself. I need to stop.
Quoted by someone who had gone through a lot and is now of the most successful persons I know, I need to accept that shit happens, I need to accept it. Deal with it, and move on. Let the pain consume me but not for too long. The world will not wait for you.
If it’s still too painful but sufficient time has passed, I need to fake it till I make it. Ha. Corny. But true. Smile though the suffering. Convince others I’m going great. Im a delightful human being again.
I’ve thought it through. I need to surround myself with people, not for support, but for inspiration. Keep in touch with tough people. People who have made it. People who are working their way to make it.
I want to transform myself to someone people would be proud to associate themselves with. Someone my parents would be so proud of. Someone my brother will look up too. And someone who would make a great and amazing partner and lover 😉
My next impossible task, lie to everyone, but especially myself, that I am fine. That I am doing better. That I am succeeding. That I am not hopeless. I am not disposable. That I can go the distance.