Not fine

A quick one before I go for lunch.

I don’t know why I always pretend that everything is okay but it’s not. I’m really not okay. I’m not fine. It’s so hard for me to concentrate. To work, to talk, to meet new people, to function.

I used to be so good at socializing and I loved to meet people. I love learning about them and I used to be so open. I was an open book.

Now, my moods changes so much. 

 Anger. I am so angry. Angry at him, angry at them, angry at myself.

Regret. I should have done it sooner. I should have listened. I should have pushed. I should have ran away.

Disappointment. I cannot believe this happened again. Why didn’t I learn my lesson yet? Am I doing this to myself? Do I think that I am not good enough so I allow myself to go through this again?

Anxious. Am I waiting my opportunities? I’m not performing at best. I know that. They know that. I should be able to deliver no matter what. I’m failing. 

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